I Walked the Road Not Taken
by Arishia-chan
Summary: The wars have ended . . . OZ defeated . . . but Heero's heart remains heavy. Will he ever find peace?


A few notes beforehand... This fanfic takes place a little over a year after Gundam Wing. It's in Heero Yuy's point of view. 

Text in blahblah is the strange voice Heero hears. 

Large sections of the fanfic in italics are flashbacks to a point just before the wars ended. I changed the tense from past to present on purpose to try to distinguish between the flashbacks and presettime more. 

Perhaps a slight shounen ai warnings. I don't write that kind of stuff but it's there if you want to take it that way. 

The poem lyrics are from Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken." The characters belong to Bandai, but you guys know that already. 

I wrote this one day on a whim while waiting for inspiration to finish "Purple Haze Appearing." Don't worry, I'm still working on my DBZ series, just need a little break. So... hope you enjoy...   
  


**************   
  


**I Walked the Road Not Taken**

**//**Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, 

and sorry I could not travel both, 

and be one traveler, long I stood, 

and looked down one as far I could.//   
  


********* 

I had taken a walk that day. 

The steady, indignant crunching beneath my boots was what kept me going. Whether because it was so different than the smooth metallic flooring I had lived so long upon. Or because the red and gold and orange leaves reminded me of a year ago when a braided-haired sprite taught me how to properly enjoy the Earth season called Autumn. I didn't know. 

I had been walking for about three hours now; the bright sun overhead had moved from its position directly above me. It was a cold day, so cold even the sun offered little warmth to my exposed face and neck. I ducked my head into my collar and shoved numb fingers into the slate-grey overcoat I wore, trudging onward with no particular destination in mind. 

A brief rustle of feathery wind caused the canopying tree boughs to shower more crisp leaves. I stopped to watch them flutter gently, adding to an already voluminous bed of their fellows. The breeze fled by my ear in its easy path and I hurriedly withdrew a hand to clasp my collar nearer to frosty skin. 

heero yuy odin heero yuy 

"Who's there?" I demanded, my right hand poised over the gun concealed within my overcoat. 

A few more leaves were let loose and fell against my shoulders. A ripple of soft laughter ran up through the souls of my feet. 

heero heero heero do not you recognize me   
  


I spun around, expecting to see the child of which the quiet whisper belonged to standing behind me. My single set of depressions in the leave-coated road stared mockingly up at me. My eyes, forever cold daggers to those who were unfortunate enough to meet them, trailed up my foot route leading back into the clipped and tended for road, leading to the cultured mansion that had been my residence for a year. 

_I am not insane. I am not insane,_ I repeated, bluntly trying to reassure myself of any bubbling doubts. 

yes you are yes you are 

I turned swiftly around again to find nothing but the stillness of the forest and a wafting of fresh leaves. 

_Time to go back_, I decided. _Hai, time to go back_. I tucked my hands back inside my overcoat and added a second set of food indentations on the ground as I walked- faster than before- toward the mansion that stood in the distance. 

liar liar liar you hear me you do 

My pace quickened and I stared neither left nor right, only down at the rhythmic crunching of my boots on bright leaves. 

do not you remember how could you forget the smile the laugh the touch the smell the sound the sight heero yuy 

The phantom voice burst into tinkling laughter that seemed to surround me in warmth. I began to run blindly, kicking up my feet, running as fast as I could without thinking. 

run heero run from me as always you do 

The voice mocked me and, unable to close it out, I slid to a halt. I widened my stance and balled up my fists so tight my nails gouged painfully into calloused skin. 

"Who are you?" I shouted hoarsely. 

The laugher faded into soft giggles. A breath of wind caressed one cheek. I drove back the desire to flinch away. 

heero heero heero i am one of your memories 

I snorted and my pockets welcomed my fists again. "Is this some sort of sick joke?" 

no 

Suddenly I cried out and jerked my right hand out of my overcoat. Something icy had bit into my palm and I heard a small thud as that something fell to the ground. Rubbing the frost-bitten hand, I stooped over the offending article. 

My fingers streaked, they were shaking so rapidly. I slowly reached out and tentatively curled still-tingling fingers around the cold, golden metal. My vision turned blurry, like gazing outside when the rain runs in rivulets down stained glass. 

_***flashback***_

_He rolls over to his side, propping his head up with a slender hand. Blue-violet orbs swallow his whole heart-shaped face that is split into a tooth-revealing grin. His liability- a long braid- dangles over one boney shoulder. I resist__the urge to pluck out the bits of colorful leaves clinging to the chestnut strands, just to see if Duo's braid is as soft as the shines hues tell me it is._

_"Ne, Hee-chan," the boy says, absentmindedly running his other hand through his thick bangs. I envy those leaves that they should get to innocently touch his hair and not I. "When the war's over, whaddya suppose we should do with our lives?"_

_"Hn," I emit what I think is a sufficient answer. He just looks at me though, violet depths patiently awaiting more than just a noise. "Prevent . . ." I say carefully, having to search for real words. _

_"Prevent more wars from breaking out."_

_"Oh." His mouth turns down and it seems somehow that I have disappointed him. He lays again in the crinkly bed of leaves, eyes turning to the sky peeking through the trees' arms. A gangly leg drapes over the other and dips up and down in the air._

_I decide to offer a question. "Duo, what are *you* going to do after the wars?"_

_"Laugh," he answers without hesitation._

_I didn't understand what he meant. Duo Maxwell laughs all the time. Night and day and at meals and during funerals. He laughs at Quatre when the boy offers him yet another cup of flavored tea. He laughs at Trowa when the other always runs out of bullets in the heat of battle. He laughs at Wufei when the Chinese boy refuses to admit to any weaknesses. He laughs at me when I tell him to shut up over and over. Hell, Duo Maxwell *is* laughter._

_"You laugh a lot already," I inform him._

_"No, I have never laughed," he states softly. Then he sits up and sweeps a hand gracefully at the woods. "Down that path, after several miles, the oak trees melt into slender trees. You know the dogwoods, ne, Hee-chan? The one's with the white and pink cross blossoms?" I nod, even though I didn't. "Well," he continues, resting his chin on his knees. "The ground starts angling upward and at the top of the hill there's a small cabin with dogwoods practically hiding it from view." He turns and violet envelopes me. _

_"*That's* where I'm going after the wars are over."_

_After a long silence, I ask quietly, "Duo, what path?"_

_He scoots over to me and presses his warm cheek against my cool one so he can see exactly what I am seeing. "It's right there, Hee-chan," he points. His breath fans my face. He smells like Autumn. "It's right there hidden beneath all the leaves. The path is really hard to find because no one's bothered to use it in a long time." He suddenly grabs the folds of my grey overcoat._

_"Na-nani?" I sputter and he reaches up to pull a golden item out from under his black shirt._

_"Heero buddy, I want you to have this." Before I can object, he snaps the chain and thrusts the crucifix deep into my pocket._

_"Why?"_

_"So you won't forget," he says simply. "Where to find me after the wars. And then, if you want, you can teach me to laugh."_

_I wonder why he thinks *I* could teach him to laugh. I, who has slaughtered thousands and will slaughter more. I, who can't even smile._

_Not explaining, Duo rises to his feet and pulls me up with him. We dust each other off, ridding ourselves of the clinging leaves, and walk silently back toward Relena's mansion to accept our next mission. The crucifix lays forgotten within my pocket until . . ._

_***end flashback***_

Until now, I realized. Startled, I glanced around me. It had only been a dream, a flash back into the past. But yet the sights and sounds and smells had been so real. I sighed heavily. I was still half-crouched and my calve muscles were cramping horribly. Straightening, I fingered the crucifix warm from my touch. A year. It had been a year. 

heero yuy fall already and be caught 

I felt the wind gently push against my chest, coaxing me to fall backward as if in slow motion. My body complied and tilted and I landed in a heap of leaves. The masses billowed beneath my arms and legs and pillowed my head. My breath exhaled swirly white clouds. My eyes stung. And then- 

***flashback*** 

_"Hee-chan, Hee-chan, Hee-chan! Ya can't ever catch me so why bother trying?"_

_"You provoked me on purpose," I accuss. I am once more amazed at the American's endless supply of sugar-fed energy and angry that he knows exactly how to 'get under my skin.'_

_He stops prancing about long enough to settle his hands on slim hips and flash a pink tongue at me. "So what if I did? Some fresh air never hurt a Gundam pilot, now did it?"_

_"A new mission came in," I say sternly and turn on my heel to stalk out of the forest._

_"Aw, come on!" he protests loudly and grabs my upper arm. "Onegai! Just take a short break with me!"_

_"I just did" I reply flatly._

_"Just a walk!" he persists. "I hate being in that empty old mansion. Just take a short walk with me and I won't bother you for another fifteen minutes!" His eyes do that violet, sparkly thing and I unwillingly grunt my acceptance._

_Grinning victoriously, he leads the way farther into the towering oak trees surrounding us. We walk in silence for a while with only the rhythmic crunch crunch of our footsteps as a companion._

_"Ne, Hee-chan, isn't it beautiful?"_

_"What is?"_

_"This!" I look over at him to see the boy throw his arms wide open and twirl around in a circle. For the first time I notice the multitude of scattered leaves above us and below us and fluttering down from their owners. So many glaringly bright colors. One alights on Duo's upturned face and he puffs a breath to push it on a continuing course downward with the others. Hai, it is beautiful, but I don't answer the braided boy._

_I hear a cluttered rustling. Duo scoops up an armful of leaves and adds it to a colorful growing pile he has already formed. I watch him in mild curiosity, staying sufficiently detached from the whole scene._

_"What are you doing?"_

_One of his large eyes closes in a wink, but he doesn't look at me. He steps back as if to study his creation, clicks his tongue and nods._

_"That'll do."_

_"Do for what?" I feel like I'm echoing myself and Duo's unresponsiveness isn't helping any. "Duo-"_

_My eyes narrow when he walks over to me and clasps my hands in his. "This way," he urges, giving a little tug. I don't know why, but I allow him to guide me to stand by his knee-deep pile of leaves, facing away from the bright hues._

_"Stay there," he orders lightly._

_"Duo-"_

_He drops my hands and moves beside me in a similar position. He seems excited for some reason. I grit my teeth in annoyance._

_"*Duo-*" I say more forcibly._

_"Fall," he dictates._

_"What?" I start to escape but his hand on mine stops me._

_"Hee-chan, just fall already."_

_As before, I don't know why, but I do as he says. I hold my breath and we both collapse backward onto the pile. Color gets thrown up into the air, surging_ _around the two of us. We lay there awhile, panting quietly even though we had not exerted ourselves. Our faces are flushed, cobalt and violet wide, mouths sucking in gasps of air._

_"That was . . ." I pause, because no words can describe how Duo's gift felt._

_His soft giggles fill my ears. "*That*, Hee-chan, was the proper way to enjoy Autumn."_

_"Ahh," I utter, noncommittal. The crisp smell of the leaves still lingers. I ponder how silly we must look- two boys laying sprawled out in a pile of leaves. Then I realize I don't care. I don't care if the others find me acting out of character. I don't care if the war ends or if I ever fight again. All that matters is Duo . . . and me . . . and this single, tiny, fragile moment._

_Duo rolls over to his side, propping his head up with a slender hand. "Ne, Hee-chan, when the war's over, whaddya suppose we should do with our lives?"_

_***end flashback***_

I snapped back to the present. My eyes were leaking some kind of moisture and I sat up to rub the wetness away. Leaves stuck to my back and hair and I brushed them off. I got to my feet a bit shakily, not losing my iron grip on the crucifix. 

The voice returned ever so gently. so you never forgot me after all the smile the laugh the touch the smell the sound the sight go teach him to laugh 

And then I was alone in the woods. 

I walked a few paces onward and froze just as suddenly. Just ahead was the road to Relena's mansion, the roof already peeking over the tree boughs. But to the right, oh off to the right, diverged another path I had not noticed before. Twisted and hidden by leaves, it wove in a new direction. 

See the dogwoods, Hee-chan? 

Aa, I see them now, Duo. 

No backward glances, I stepped off the beaten road. The leaves crunched louder beneath my boots and, smiling, I began to run. 

********* 

//Somewhere ages and ages hence: 

two roads diverged in a wood, and I- 

I took the one less traveled by, 

and that has made all the difference.// 

******* 

Owari 


End file.
